Growing up, there’s always that one guy at the party. We’ve all heard
him. He sits there and just proclaims how much he just fucking loves eating pussy.
Well, first of all – good for you I guess? Second – is this some kind
of fucking bizzaro world sales pitch (in which case, nothnxbai) and
third, what the fuck do you want? A medal? A gold star? A slow but
steady round of applause? I am ALL for sincerity and enthusiasm (in fact
I actively encourage it. Is there anything sexier than someone who’s
excited to fuck you?) HOWEVER it comes down to how we get to talk about
sex in a public space and the disparity in genders in how we do it.
A women talks about how much she loves sucking dick/fucking at the
same party. Well, the guy who talks about how much he loves eating women
out comes across as a twat, but the women? Well she’s just a big old
“Where such men love they have no desire, and where they desire they cannot love”
Well, thanks Sigmund Freud. Here’s how it breaks down; you can desire a
slut but you certainly can’t respect her. And you can only love someone
if they are pure. No experience? You can bet that there won’t be any
real desire or want there. Try and tell me that sort of thinking isn’t
This is still a thing. People are still wrapped up in numbers and
sexual history, and it’s a losers game. At the end of the day, I don’t
care if you’ve fucked one person or 1000 people, as long as you were
safe, consensual and had fun. But still, there’s that “what’s your
number” conversation going on in blossoming relationships. Not that it’s
anyone’s business, but asking this shit outright is plain rude. I mean,
what can you actual garner from this information? What they are good
at? What they enjoy? Certainly not.
In Jessica Valenti’s best selling book, The Purity Myth, she begins to unpack our unhealthy obsession with virginity. “What’s
the difference between venerating women for being fuckable and putting
them on a purity pedestal? In both cases, women’s worth is contingent
upon their ability to please men and to shape their sexual identities
around what men want.” Really, there’s no right answer to this question, because you’re either frigid or a slut.
The madonna-whore is heteronormative and any reasoning for it is grounded in out-dated discussions of evolutionary psychology.
Deborah Walker-Morrison looks at the Madonna-Whore and how it’s been
applied to cinema based on evolutionary theory, citing Triver’s Parental
Investment theory and the concept of making a “worth-while” investment
but guaranteeing that any offspring they provide for is theirs. And
that, well that comes from a chaste woman.
“Unlike 95% of mammals, however, humans are also a pair-bonded
species, with most men investing in their children and spouse(s) and
providing (varying degrees of) parental care. These two opposing facts
about human sexuality underpin the Madonna-Whore binary, with its
attendant sexual double standard and mate-guarding practices of
patriarchal cultures, since men’s greater desire for multiple, short
term partners is most often counterbalanced by an equally strong desire
(driven by paternity uncertainty) for a chaste, kind, long-term partner
(wife/mother) who will invest selflessly in offspring which the men can
be sure are theirs.”
Spoiler guys – virginity is a mother-fucking social construct and
your moral compass is not located between your thighs. This should not
be difficult to understand.
The idea that a women’s sexuality and desirability is dictated
entirely between how many people she’s fucked (or perceived to have
fucked) is gross as hell.
It takes away women’s sexual agency, removes any nuance and creates
this fucked up balancing act where you need to have this pristine sexual
history but no gag reflex. Cause that’s realistic. If we’re going to
have open and frank discussions about sex and sexuality, we do it with
an open mind and sense of respect for others. We need to make sure that
we’re not demonising people based on what they do or don’t do with their
body, because frankly, that’s a small part of them as a human being,
and like hell is it our judgement call to make.
Why are we still using who, why and how people fuck as some sort of
warped morality barometer? It’s out-dated and we need to work towards
having a more open and mature understanding of human sexuality. Fuck the
madonna, worship the whore, whatever. Just don’t be an asshole.
Originally for Fashion Fix Daily