Saturday, 15 December 2012

The Hungover Girl's Guide to Surviving the Party Season: The Morning After

It's December so as a standard we can pretty much expect to be invited to all the parties. This means vino on the table, festive cocktails, mulled wine, mulled cider and Bailey's in all the things. It happens and we're pretty much left feeling like death the next day. Long gone are the days when I could be all up in aldi cider and a dance at the Arches before heading to a lecture at 9 the next day. So how's a girl to cope in the party season? How do you go to work/face humanity the next day after a heavy night on the town?

This night has been awesome, I am awesome, kebab and bed please

First things first - let's do some damage control. I get in - I get my face OFF. I usually hate hate hate face wipes (wipes are for tables, not our faces) but really if it's been a party night and you truly have lost the will to wash your face please do yourself a favour. It will save you from panda eyes in the morning and feeling extra groggy. We want to minimise that. Make sure you get as much off as possible. Stick on all the moisturiser you can. All of it goes on your face. You're also going to want to make nice with a pint of water. Trust me - you'll thank me later.

Everything is terrible, I am terrible - please let me stay in bed forever


When you do wake up you're probably going to feel...crusty for lack of a better word. My body pretty much feels like I've had the ultimate body work out. Muscles I did not know existed are screaming. Yes I want to lie in bed for another hour (only ten more minutes...I promise) but if I'm going to face the day it's time for a wee shower. I turn it up nice and hot to the point I feel like it's taking a layer of skin (and perhaps rinse off some of that shame with it) and get the freshest things I can. Lots of minty or citrusy scents. I'll use an Origins checks and balances for my face and any shower gel to hand as long as it's got the morning thing going for it.

I'll maybe have a wee cry/try not to vomit - but secretly I'm also congratulating myself for managing to make it to the bathroom in one piece. I wash my hair because inevitability it's become a giant clump of death. It can be tempting to be like "but I can dry shampoo." No. Just no. I am a shell of a human being at this point and no amount of primping and restyling is going to make me look any less lack luster. This is my punishment. At this point I may cry some more. There may be some actual vomit (sorry.)

I'll tend to wrap myself up and do the teeth thing. You want to burn your mouth out with Listerine (oops I smoked and now my mouth tastes like an ash tray) and only a once over with all the dental products you own will do. Stick em all in there. You're working over time to make sure you are not giving off some serious vodka fumes today. This will also help slightly with the feeling that something has crawled in to your mouth and died. Slightly. About now I'm usually thinking "Why do I drink - never playing this game again." I always believe it. Every god damn time.

At this point I look like a sad drowned rat. My face will be all sorts of blotchy but at this point I'm going to put ALL the moisturiser on it. Literally all of it. If it's been a big night I'm going for the most intense moisturising oil I can. I'll blow dry my hair and then put on a lighter moisturiser. After a night on the town I resemble some kind of snake woman so this is all needed. I tend to use Kiehl's Midnight Recovery followed by Garnier's rose daily cream for dry skin. My eyes are still slightly puffy but my skin feels less like it is about to fall off. ACHIEVEMENT.

FACE FACE FACE. 

I put on a radiating cream - Shu Uemura Instant Glow for me. It helps me look slightly less corpse like and is all about giving you one of those "dewy" complexions the mags always go on about. I know I know...I like a matte too but we need to look nice and rejuvenated and right now I need all the glow I can get. And then I tackle all the blotches - oh the blotches.Soap and Glory concealer is literally by best friend and tackles under my eyes and any night time spots that have decided to holla at a sister. If anything is looking particularly tragic I'll use Estee Lauder Maximum Cover on some of the darker/red blotches. Not as a foundation mind because that shit will dry you the fuck out. We're going for "fresh." Foundation wise I love my YSL Touche Eclat Foundation. Good even coverage with a nice glow to it and feels very nourishing. The last thing you want just now is your skin feeling all tight. If use a more matte foundation mix with a touch of moisturiser. I add a bit of Benefit High Beam just below my brows and along my cheekbones. I say a bit. I go buck wild with this. My forehead is given a light dusting of Shu Uemura's matte powder as I'm prone to shiney forehead pretty much all the time. I got for a hint of blusher (MAC Desert Rose - a reddish burgundy, nothing too pink) to make myself look like I haven't died. For my brows I use Urban Decay twiced baked eyeshadow. Mascara a lick of Dior Blackout. I keep my eyes otherwise clean. No eyeshadow, no eyeliner. Lip wise I like to load up on Elizabeth Arden Eight Hour Cream. I always always wear lipstick so I go for something like MAC lady danger. By this point I should look like my old self. Just a little dead around the eyes.

Some last minute tips

Bag Essentials: Anadin, fat cola, a bottle of water and menthol gum.

I am mostly feeling terrible at this point but will address this by throwing on a house coat over my clothes and shivering with a mug of tea till I have to make tracks. Time to process all the terrible things and all the best things and maybe look at the texts. Facebook can wait for later. I'm usually too damaged to deal with random friend requests (denied) and trawling through tagged photos of me singing karaoke/throwing some shapes. I'll deal with this later. For now - all the liquid getting in my body is the priority. Also trying not to vomit whenever I think about food and why there is a half eaten pack of Mcoys next to my bed.

I always make sure I eat (even if it's dry toast) and will drink as much water as I can. If you can manage get some oj down you. I wish I could say I stick with this guy but if I'm feeling that utterly ravaged I reach for some full fat coke. The second anyone sees a red can in my vicinity you know shit has gone down.  Hair wise I like to keep it simple - usually a pleat or a high bun.

Obvs a lot of this is common sense and it's just the basics I use to get through the day but thought I would share my routine to help you get through the party season! This is works for me and taken a while to tailor it to my horrible hungover skin needs. Find a routine that works for you and embrace the shit out of it.

Now for your consideration a more chilled out Christmas song:
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